Tune in Tokyo!

Hey, so the other day I was at a client site running a project kickoff meeting and one of the key managers happened to be wearing this crazy low-cut top. Quite a distraction right? So using all powers of will, I kept my eyes at head-level and carried right on, but you do have to wonder what's up with that?

The funny bit is that in following days, this manager has transitioned the old wardrobe to some frightfully dull little house on the prairie stylings (much to the dismay of colleagues) and has been aggressively negotiating scope. Fun fun!

So my question is: is the preemptive booby strike an effective negotiating tool? Time shall tell....

Special Projects

When demoted from a role with actual responsibilty to the land of 'special projects', why don't they just say 'hey pal, yer fucked and it's time hit the trails'?

In our uber-politically correct corporate landscape, so much time is spent on the corporate purge cycle. What a waste of time, but what a great way to avoid litigation and 'unpleasantness'.

Special projects are the most brutal. First strippem of all responsibility, next put them in highly visible projects (usually the type that are doomed), then give them completely unrealistic target goals and objectives.

Wallah! Corproate ex-lax works its magic with a litigation free purge event.

Re-Org!

I love reorgs. The best ones have little to no warning, until the powerpoint deck floats round and things get quiet.

Then, a few Silverbacks get taken down a notch or 3, and take unplanned vacations. A few might disappear all together, but usually exit before hand to spend time with their families. The ladder climbers who spent the last year politically climbing and apple-polishing are absolutely stunned and 'go dark'.

For better or worse, reorgs at least give us something interesting to watch. Kind of like our fearless leader- the ultimate re-org machine. OK soldiers- time to shuffle the deck chairs!

Power Monkey

How did our corporate culture become so infused with such a heavy element of 'power worship'?
OK, I know the photo is on the 'ridiculous' end of the spectrum, but then again doesn't this sum it up?

Power worship is especially amazing when a new-leader joins the organization. Since people don't yet understand political ties or overall motiviations, there is generally a flurry of 'ass kissing' that happens on just about every level.

Even a leader's basic vocabulary is copied. My favorite is from a few months ago when a leader in a huge outfit was slinging 'manage demand' as a catch phrase. Next thing you know, middle managers everywhere were obsessed. They'd nail you down in meetings...'but, do you do demand management?' Could they explain it? Uh, no. 

Take that shit off your ear!

Bluetooth headsets are cool, but just because you own one doesn't make you cool.

Average Headset User Profile:

• 40-60 yr old middle manager
• Perfectly groomed
• Well mannered, cordial
  
• Little blue blinking light on side of head
• Usually not talking, but ready and willing for some phone action
• Tries to ignore the fact people are staring at annoying impotent device attached to their head

GENTLEMEN GEEKS! You need to know that you look like tools. No-one cares that you're stupid enough to shell out 200 bucks on a headset. Madonna looked cool with the headset, partly because she was in her prime and wore the pointy-boob cups, but mainly because SHE WAS USING IT!

Take that shit off the ear and put it in your pocket.

Silent But Deadly

Don't you love it when people get 'let go' and the way the information is released spreads quietly like a noxious gas?

All of the remaining corporate slave monkeys whisper the news, send chats, and generally distribute the news at low levels, as if spreading news of a venereal disease outbreak in a rest home. Sick man, it's sick!

Another classic move is when people's names are removed from the employee directory before they even leave the organization or before their colleagues are notified of the 'organizational changes'. It's the subtle yet effective bitch-slap on the back as you exit.

Rental Wonder: 2006 Hyundai Sonata

This week I happened upon renting a new Hyundai Sonata. Sure, you’ve seen the BMW-esque commercials with the silver car revving and cornering up a mountain road. Subtitle: 235 HP. Too bad it’s not rear-wheel.

From the standpoint of trying to push rentals on a weekly basis (with my own and the general public’s safety a top priority of course), this vehicle stands out as an exception from the average rental car fleet.

The standard road tests include:

• Power shifting – from neutral at standstill
• Power shifting – from neutral while rolling (various speeds and gears)
• Redline test
• Power brake test – slides at speed
• Drifting– usually wide cloverleaf exit ramps without edges
• 0-60 test
• Hard start – no power shift on dry pavement

Basic stats hold true- 235 horsepower from an overhead cam V-6 and a ‘poor man’s tectronic’ shifting system to boot. The look of the car is not bad; in fact today I got ‘the nod’ from a rice-burner. Could be the power of advertising.

Advantages:

• No-rev limiter, at least up to red-line RPM at 7000
• Ignition-kill does not kick in if you do a moving power shift.
• Parking brake – strong rear-brake is strong enough for power slides
• Horsepower-weight ratio is great. Hyundai makes a lightweight car.
• The ‘poor man’s tectronic’ is great. It’s a little clunky, but at least lets you run up to redline in each gear.
• Enough torque to break loose in 1^st in dry conditions
• The suspension is tight enough to do hard cornering without ‘nose-diving’ or unpredicted weight shifts;
• Drink holder in the rear-center arm-rest; bling bling
• Bodywork is tight- consistent edges and clearances all around

Disadvantages:

• Front-wheel drive limits any and potential of drifting this baby. If otherwise, this would be a true drifting machine.
• Ignition-kill sets in if you do a power shift from a standstill, like most rentals these days
• The center-console is over-designed

In sum...

Usually any rental fleet mid-size with 200+ HP is a death wish, but the Sonata actually has good gearing, balance, and suspension that add up to a predictably fun ride. This car puts comparable ‘mid-size’ rental fleet performers to shame.